Don’t Get My Goat
By June Capossela Kempf
During one of my recent ‘Can we talk’ conversations with my daughter, I had been obsessing over some of my many worries until my stress stories began to rub Jeannie the wrong way.
“You need to chill out Mom. Take a walk. Read a book. Try doing something different. Something that’ll take your mind off your troubles.”
“Like what?”
“How ‘bout a Yoga class – or better still: Since you’re such an animal lover, go over the top and try goat yoga,” she said with a giggle.
“Goats do Yoga?” I asked.
“No silly, you do Yoga, while adorable goats ‘interact’ with you. it’s supposed to be relaxing and fun.
“Just what do you mean by ‘interacting’?
“Well, the goats have the same soothing effect on you as holding a cuddly puppy or an adorable little baby. They are affectionate and snuggle up with you as you go through the various yoga routines. They even hop on your back and sort of massage you with their hooves. Yogis claim that they come out of these sessions feeling warm and fuzzy all over.”
“Hooves!! My back hurts already, that’s one reason I’m stressed. The last thing I need is a goat trampling with cloven hooves up and down my deteriorating disks. I have nightmares more soothing than that…”
Jeannie’s eyes began to roll. Jeanne tends to do that a lot lately. Anyway, I pushed on with the conversation – just to bug her.
“Just where do I find a guru who can make me ‘one’ with a goat?”
“All I know,” she said. “Is that some farmers and groups with access to goats, host sessions as a novelty and an income producer. The trend started out West, but I am sure there are classes somewhere around here. Google it.”
So, I did.
Under the heading, ’What is goat yoga?’, Google confirmed what Jeannie told me and also provided a wealth of information I didn’t need to know. They described each yoga position from downward dog to mountain pose, creating the impression that the lower you are to the ground, the more likely you are to find a goat on your back – interacting. The mountain position appealed to me for the moment.
But then, I scrolled down to the Q & A section of the Google page and saw some disturbing queries from other researchers:
Q “Do the goats relieve themselves on you?”
A “Sometimes they do,” was the answer.
Baaaa!
The second question was just as strange.
Q “Do the goats wear clothes while they are bonding with the yogis?”
A “They sometimes wear T shirts.”
“What, no diapers?” I yelled at the screen.”
Double Baaaa!!
Need I know more?
To be fair, I could stand a little bit more information – like whose idea was this in the first place? I continued my search and learned that the concept was established by a motivational speaker and marketer in Monroe, Oregon by the name: Lainey Moore.
Google says that Lainey found herself inspired by the distractions created by six adorable goats which she filmed leaping all over some ecstatic yogis as they happily worked through their various poses. Naturally she posted the whole scene and before she knew it, the video went viral. Soon her idea escalated and ‘Voila’, the trendy and profitable venture was launched. Finally, through her tireless promotional endeavors, she soon became known as the Queen of Goat Yoga.
Google had volumes more to say about the subject, including the facts that only Nanny goats and kids were suitable for nuzzling noses and numbing the nerves of human beings. Who knew?
Nevertheless, I read enough to know that there was no way I was going to calm down, while hooved, non-potty-trained Kids meandered all over my back.
Just let me assume a comfortable position on the couch and become one with my blankie; and I will become as cool and collected as a lotus blossom blissfully drifting across the still waters of a peaceful pond somewhere in Shangri-la. Ummm!
June Capossela Kempf: Essayist and Author of : Yo God! Jay’s Story, a memoir and Lady of the Dollhouse, a YA mystery
*Smithtown Historical Society offers Goat Yoga