SUFFOLK CLOSEUP - Is It Real Or Is It A Hoax? Alan Abel's Legacy

SUFFOLK CLOSEUP

By Karl Grossman

This is a change-of-pace column about a fellow who was among the funniest people I’ve ever known, Alan Abel. “Alan Abel, Ace Hoaxer, Is (Really) Dead at 94,” was the headline last week in The New York Times of a nearly full-page obituary for Alan.

The “Really” in the headline was necessary because back in 1980 Alan tricked The Times into publishing his obituary. The Times acknowledged last week it was “much-abashed” to have been fooled by Alan. It was another successful hoax by indeed the “ace hoaxer” Alan.

I once was asked by Alan to get involved in one of his hoaxes. I had to say no. He invited me to lunch at the Hotel Edison in Manhattan and there laid out the hoax. We would go to Scotland where I would be billed as an award-winning journalist who had captured the Loch Ness monster. A big flatbed truck would be rented and under a canvas tarpaulin would be a huge object, purportedly the body of the monster.  

A feature of the road trip from Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands to London would be having a red liquid—ostensibly blood from the monster—dripping from under the tarpaulin onto the highways which we would traverse.

This would attract, Alan figured, day-by-day coverage by the British press. Then he would introduce me at a press conference in London… At this point, I had to stop him, explaining that my participation in the hoax would eliminate my future as a credible journalist.

The importance of Alan’s hoaxes, I have told my classes in journalism, is they demonstrate how the press can be manipulated, and reflect, too, on how politicians and government officials at times float information that’s close to hoaxes if not being outright false—and media have provided unquestioning coverage. The press, I tell the students, must be extremely careful to avoid being taken in by mistruths that officialdom dispenses. 

Time and time again, Alan fooled the media—to demonstrate, as The Times obituary related, “a highly personal brand of performance art, equal parts of self-promotion, social commentary. study of the breathtaking naivete of press and public, and pure old-fashioned high jinks.”

Even Newsday, which like The Times tries to make sure what it reports is real, was taken in by Alan.  There was “Omar’s School of Beggars,” a school for panhandlers which supposedly opened in Manhattan. Newsday did a multi-page piece in its then weekly magazine on it, featuring “Omar”—actually Alan—his head cloaked in a black hood with openings for eyes and mouth, giving a lecture to “pupils,” in fact, buddies of Alan.  

I first got to know Alan after he launched the Society for Indecency to Naked Animals or SINA, which I thought was especially hilarious. Alan’s friend, Buck Henry, later to co-write the movie The Graduate and regularly host Saturday Night Live, was president under the name G. Clifford Prout, Jr. of this purported organization. Alan was vice president.

photo credit Hoaxes.comA magazine was printed with on its cover a rendition of a horse—in boxer shorts. There was this statement: “We fight for the future now; Let’s clothe every pet and animal/ whether dog, cat, horse or cow! G. Clifford Prout, our President/ he works for you and me. So clothe all your pets and join the march/ for worldwide Decency! S.I.N.A., that’s our call/ all for one and one for all. Hoist our flag for all to see/ waving for Morality. Onward we strive together/ stronger in every way, All mankind and his animal friends/ for SINA, S-I-N-A!”

“A nude horse is a rude horse,” SINA maintained.  

Alan and Buck would visit a zoo and then go to the newspaper office in that city to complain that the animals at its zoo weren’t clothed. This garnered attention.  

One of the most interesting parties I’ve gone to was at Alan’s and his wife Jeanne’s house in Westport, Connecticut. Some of the party extended to a red caboose that Alan somehow got transported to its yard to serve as their daughter Jenny’s playhouse. 

Alan and Jeanne, who loved his sense of humor, joined in a campaign to elect Yetta Bronstein, purportedly a Jewish grandmother from The Bronx, president of the United States.  Jeanne was Yetta. “Vote for Yetta and things will get betta,” was the campaign’s slogan. 

Related last week’s obituary in The Times: “A master psychologist, keen strategist and possessor of an enviable deadpan and a string of handy aliases, Mr. Abel had an almost unrivaled ability to divine exactly what a harried news media wanted to hear and then give it to them, irresistibly gift-wrapped.”

Alan, with Jeanne, produced two films: Is There Sex After Death? and The Faking of the President. He authored books: The Great American Hoax and The Confessions of a Hoaxer and Don’t Get Mad…Get Even! A Manual for Retaliation. In it, Alan gives his solution to how by telephone by claiming to be a doctor one can “get through to a V.I.P” said to be unavailable. “I recommend a pattern of dialogue as follows: ‘Who is calling?’ ‘Dr. Abel…’  ‘I’m sorry, he’s in a conference…’ ‘But I have his x-rays.’ ‘I’ll put you right through.’”

Karl Grossman is a veteran investigative reporter and columnist, the winner of numerous awards for his work and a member of the L.I. Journalism Hall of Fame. He is a professor of journalism at SUNY/College at Old Westbury and the author of six books.  

Wanted A Partner For Smithtown's Animal Shelter And Adoption Center

 By Stacey Altherr

The Town of Smithtown is looking for a partner for its Animal Shelter and Adoption Center.

A recent Request For Proposal was advertised on the town’s web site, looking for a third party to assume the “day-to-day operation” of the shelter.

A town official said the proposal was “purely exploratory,” calling it a way to lessen the cost for taxpayers and work toward getting more animals adopted from the shelter.

“One half of the town’s population is happy to spend the budget money,” said town spokesperson Nicole Garguilo, “and the other half feel we are wasting taxpayers’ dollars.”

“If there is a group that will partner with us, we can do more work getting animals adopted,” at no additional cost. 

Garguilo noted that animal groups have a wide network that would help the town in that effort.  Town shelters cannot call themselves “no-kill” but Smithtown has worked to not euthanize any healthy animals after years of protest in the way some animals were handled. “We never want to neglect the animals,” she said. “With this administration, we want to go forward.” 

No employees would lose jobs- there are about four-to-five animal control officers and four-to-five shelter attendants at any one time – and the volunteer group would help with the daily operational tasks, which are needed 24 hours a day and seven days a week.

The town would maintain the buildings, and still deal with animal control issues, such as a dog or cat hit by a car or abandoned animals.

The partnering organization must have experience with no-kill shelters.

No groups have contacted the town yet, but officials do think at least some organizations, and one in particular, will be interested. If there are no proposals by the closing date of the RFP, Sept. 27, it most likely would be extended, said Garguilo.

Interested groups can contact the town’s purchasing department.

Stacey Altherr is a former Newsday reporter now living in Sarsasota, Florida. Her beats included Smithtown, where she covered governmental affairs.  She now runs a café in Longboat Key near her home and writes freelance. Altherr has won many awards, including a 2010 Society of Silurian Award for community service journalism for a multi-part series, “Heroin Hits Main Street,” and a third-place National Headliner Award for public service for a multi-part year-long investigation on spending at fire districts on Long Island.

Trotta Calls Out Dems For Extending Contract For Red Light Technology

By Stacey Altherr

The waiver committee of the Suffolk County Legislature extended for one year a contract for the company that provides the red light camera technology.

The waiver allows the county to bypass the Request For Proposal (RFP) process that requires any contract over $25,000 to be put out to bid.  The agenda item originally called for a two- to three-year extension.

The waiver committee, two chosen by the county executive and the other by the presiding officer, decides if the RFP process can be waived in cases of emergency or time constraints.

But Suffolk County Legislator Rob Trotta (R-Smithtown) protested the committee’s decision, saying before the meeting, that the contract with the company Conduent Inc. is not expired until the end of the year, and the county often “makes it an emergency” by waiting too long to ask for bids. All seven Republican legislators, under its Minority Leader Legislator Tom Cilmi, sent a letter saying the red light program should come to an end.

“It’s a shame that Tom Cilmi and the minority caucus are once again playing politics with public safety,” said Jason Elan, spokesperson for Suffolk County.

The red light technology has had its critics since its inception in 2003.  Installed as a way to catch drivers running red lights, or not stopping lawfully while making a “right on red” turn, Trotta contends that the program has increased accidents in many spots where they are located, in some cases more than 700 percent, and is only a way for the county to make money.

Trotta also notes that the contract is currently under a state investigation as to whether a licensed engineer inspected and signed off on all the traffic control devices, as required by law.

In February, a bill passed by the legislature would have added another legislator on the board from the opposing party, and require a super majority vote to override the RFP requirement. The bill was vetoed by County Executive Steve Bellone and failed to get the required two-thirds vote to override the veto.

Stacey Altherr is a former Newsday reporter now living in Sarsasota, Florida. Her beats included Smithtown, where she covered governmental affairs.  She now runs a café in Longboat Key near her home and writes freelance. Altherr has won many awards, including a 2010 Society of Silurian Award for community service journalism for a multi-part series, “Heroin Hits Main Street,” and a third-place National Headliner Award for public service for a multi-part year-long investigation on spending at fire districts on Long Island.

SUFFOLK CLOSEUP - Time To Think The Impossible Life Without Plastic

SUFFOLK CLOSEUP

By Karl Grossman

I’ve been focusing in recent times on plastic—and I’ve not been alone. Media have been doing extensive reporting on the mess being made to the environment by plastic, especially the marine environment and the life in it.

Meanwhile, Pope Francis, who with his “Encyclical on the Environment” in 2015 established himself as highly knowledgeable about the scourge of environmental pollution that has befallen the Earth, and committed to action to try to undo the mess, is now zeroing in on plastic.

“We cannot allow our seas and oceans to be littered by endless fields of floating plastic,” said the pope last month. “We need to pray as if everything depended on God’s providence, and work as if everything depended on us.”

The “Sunday Morning” show of CBS-TV in August had a remarkable segment, a “cover story”—its main feature—titled “Piling up: Drowning in a sea of plastic.” 

It began with technology reporter David Pogue declaring: “In the 1950s, a new material burst onto the scene that would change the world forever. Cheap, durable, sanitary, strong, and light…After 65 years of making plastic, we’ve pretty much mastered the art. What we haven’t yet figured out is what to do with plastic once we’re done with it.”

He interviews Roland Geyer, professor of environmental science at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who says of plastic: “It lasts a really long time. It doesn’t biodegrade. So, it just sits there…We have statistics reaching all the way back to the dawn of plastic mass production, 1950. And if we add it all together, it’s 8.3 billion metric tons. So, if we take that and spread it out evenly over California, the entire state of California would be covered. And that would be an ugly sight.” Plastic—knee-deep.

They speak about plastic in oceans. “Every single year, somewhere between 5 and 12 million metric tons of plastic waste enters the ocean,” says Dr. Geyer. “Plastic in the ocean has a tendency to break down into other smaller pieces. And these tiny pieces then get taken up even lower down in the food chain. So, we know that it ends up on our dinner plates.”

“Wait a minute – there’s plastic in my food?” asks Mr. Pogue. 

“There is plastic in your food. Plastic in your sea salt. And there is plastic coming out of your tap,” responds Professor Geyer. 

“In fact, at this rate, the World Economic Forum predicts that by 2050, our oceans will contain more plastic than fish,” says Mr. Pogue, a calculation we wrote about here this summer.

As to the recycling of plastic—the big pitch by the plastic industry to somehow claim plastic is a sustainable product—Dr. Geyer says that as of 2017 the world recycled only about 9 percent of all plastic. 

And “even if you’re good about using your recycling bin, your plastic may never actually get recycled,” says Mr. Pogue. On a visit to a plastic recycling facility in New Jersey, he says, “For 30 years, we’ve had an easy solution for disposing of that dirty plastic: Send it to China.” 

Samil Bagaria, cofounder of GDB International, the company that owns the facility, says: “China was buying 50 percent of all graded plastic scrap in the world. Now that continued for, say, 20, 30 years.  And then there was I think a movie made by somebody, ‘Plastic China.’” 

The 2017 documentary “illustrated the brutal truth about the contaminated plastic that developed nations were selling to China,” says Mr. Pogue. “It showed a desperately poor Chinese family eking out a living by hand-sorting these mountains of plastic trash.” Out of “national pride,” China decided “we don’t want to be the world’s dumping grounds,” he notes.  “So the Chinese government announced a new policy. Starting on January 1 of this year, China stopped accepting other countries’ plastic unless it is impossibly pure.”

Clay Warner, recycling manager at Garten Services in Salem, Oregon, says that now “we…have large volumes of the types of plastic that nobody will buy, sitting, waiting for somebody to buy them. And then you have to decide how long you’re gonna hold on to it before you end up throwing it away.” 

Mr. Warner comments that, “I do think, in my own opinion, that we do need to ban certain plastics and packaging.” Mr. Bagaria says: “We cannot imagine life without plastics. But we cannot continue to lead our life the way we are.  It’s not like, ‘Oh, let’s use this planet Earth, then we will move to another planet.’ No, this is what we have. We need to take care of this.” 

Yes, this earth is where we live. And, as Pope Francis said, we must fight the “emergency” of pollution by plastic and save the “marvelous…great waters” and life in them.

Suffolk County has taken actions. It has restricted the distribution of single-use plastic bags—and we’ve learned to live with that. It’s begun a voluntary program to get restaurants to switch to non-plastic straws. I was given a paper straw for a drink last week and it worked fine. Early-on, Suffolk banned the mass release of helium-filled plastic balloons. But that’s been only a start in which New York State, the nation and world must join together.

Karl Grossman is a veteran investigative reporter and columnist, the winner of numerous awards for his work and a member of the L.I. Journalism Hall of Fame. He is a professor of journalism at SUNY/College at Old Westbury and the author of six books.  

Theater Review - 'Man of LaMancha'

Theater Review – ‘Man of LaMancha’

Produced by Engeman Theater – Northport

Reviewed by Jeb Ladouceur

  Don Quixote – by Pablo Picasso

When I heard recently that Senator John McCain had decided to suspend the medical treatments that were keeping him alive … and that he had already planned every detail of his incipient funeral, including the music that he felt would best eulogize him … my first thought centered on ‘The Impossible Dream,’ from Man of La Mancha. That’s how iconic the anthem to perseverance has become for me.

As things turned out, we all now know, McCain chose to be extolled with a recorded Frank Sinatra rendition of ‘My Way,’ the stirring ballad of autobiographical praise written by Paul Anka. I remember wondering as Sinatra’s voice filled the church during the Arizona Senator’s memorial service, how much more enobling the affair might have been had the classic La Mancha ode to courage been McCain’s choice.

But there is an ancient Roman expression (“de mortuis nil nisi bonum”) which literally translated means “Let nothing be said of the dead but what is good.” Fair enough. It was, after all, John’s funeral, and if he was comfortable with the ringing tributes of ‘My Way’ and somewhat curiously, ‘Danny Boy,’ so be it.

Still, as I attended the opening of ‘Man of La Mancha’ at Northport’s lush Engeman Theatre last Saturday, and ‘The Impossible Dream’ was performed (magnificently, I must say) my mind wandered back to the Capitol Rotunda and the National Cathedral, where a courageous John McCain’s flag-draped coffin had been attended so honorably by members of the military. For those sad hours, I concluded internally that ‘The Impossible Dream’ was indeed John’s song.

But putting sentiment aside, it should be noted that musically … musically, mind you … Man of La Mancha is a sort of one-trick-pony. When the play’s unforgettable anthem isn’t being belted out by the production’s star, Richard Todd Adams, the other numbers frankly pale to near-insignificance by comparison. This is not as fatal as the observation might lead one to believe, however. For it’s during these musical lulls that Miguel de Cervantes’ immortal Don Quixote story line takes over and makes the adaption the memorable piece of theater it has become.

When it was introduced on the Broadway stage in 1965, not surprisingly, the heart-warming tale of a knight who sets out to restore gallantry to mankind, won Tony Awards for both Best Musical and Best Musical Score. The production moved to a number of playhouses on the Great White Way before making its final 2,328^th performance at the Mark Hellinger Theatre in 1971.

An interesting aside involves the iconic Rex Harrison who, having earned innumerable plaudits starring in My Fair Lady, was seriously considered for the Don Quixote role when Man of La Mancha was testing the theatrical waters in Connecticut. Unfortunately for Harrison, the musical demands of the score proved too much for poor Henry Higgins’ vocal range … and Richard Kiley wound up in the difficult role.

Performing in Northport with leading man Richard Adams are Broadway veterans Janet Dacal (she plays a peppery Aldonza) and Carlos Lopez (as the Don’s little sidekick, Sancho Panza). Both stars bring memorable performances worthy of Northport’s renowned theater … no small accomplishment when one considers the height at which Engeman invariably sets the bar for its featured artists. For example, the great Phyllis March plays the strong, opinionated Housekeeper to absolute perfection. She delivers her somewhat lesser role so artfully that we can’t take our eyes off of her. Aspiring actors would do well to study Ms. March’s technique.

This dream of a show runs thru Sunday, October 28. If I were a school teacher, I’d give extra credit to any student who brought me a Man of La Mancha ticket stub … and of course, an apple.

Award-winning writer, Jeb Ladouceur is the author of a dozen novels, and his theater and book reviews appear in several major L.I. publications. His recent hit, THE GHOSTWRITERS, explores the bizarre relationship between the late Harper Lee and Truman Capote. Ladouceur’s newly completed thriller, THE SOUTHWICK INCIDENT, was introduced recently at the Smithtown Library. The book involves a radicalized Yale student and his CIA pursuers. Mr. Ladouceur’s revealing website is www.JebsBooks.com